I looked at your picture today....

I looked at your picture today, I felt like you died today. If you've never lost someone close to you, then you will not understand this blog post. In my mind I can hear people saying but it has been almost nine years ago, "get over it" the truth is, I will never get over it. Why am I writing this post...maybe it feels good to just let others know it still hurts and it's something I live with everyday. As I sat in my living room floor this evening it felt like my heart was literally breaking into a million pieces...oh, so are you not happy?  Yes I am happy, very happy and blessed, but at times in the middle of my happiness I am really, really sad....the loss of my dear loved one has forever changed me, I will never "get over" that loss, it is a part of who I am now. I called your phone, your voicemail still picks up, you said you were either on the other line or had stepped out of your truck....the truth is you stepped out of your truck and I know you will never get back in it nor will you return my call like you stated in your voicemail you would... that's hurts in a way I can't even begin to explain. I took Tanner to your grave today, when asked who it was he said (my dad) but it hurts deep to know he doesn't really know you or remember you. I seen your truck lastnight, it caught my breath... I walked out in the parking lot so I could look at it, it seemed like such a faraway memory to see you setting in the drivers seat, I tried to imagine it. You had so many friends, people liked you. I liked you. I grieved today like it happened today.......I missed my little baby (Reagan) today too, I wish I could really remember what it was like to hold you....I wish I had a picture of you and Tanner together. I looked at your pictures today, you were such a tiny bundle, I had so many hopes and dreams for you....God must have had great plans for you too, I can't say I blame Him for wanting you in heaven, if you were anything like your twin brother Tanner (and I know you was) then heaven and earth both needed little boys like you. I'm proud to be your mom. I love you, I'll see you on the other side. 

All my love, 

Chera & Mom

 

Summer Time!!!!

 

 
 

 

Birthday Girl!

So hard to believe that it has been a year since this little sweetheart was born! We are so very thankful Paislynne's birthmother chose us to be her parents! We are so thankful for Paislynne's birthmother, although we never got to meet her we know she is precious, and we love her so very much.  Paislynne has made a wonderful addition to our family, we can't imagine what it was like without her!