I will Remember...........

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/carole-brody-fleet/remarriage-after-widowhood_b_3545400.html#es_share_ended

Yesterday "March 3rd" marked 6 years since the tragic death of Perry, the memories of that tragic day are haunting to me. This year the anniversary fell on a Monday, and he was also killed on a Monday....I know this may seem odd but the way it fell this year made me relive those last few days as if I was really re-living them, yet knowing what was to come. I got up Sunday morning to prepare for church and it all hit me. It was pouring rain the day he died... Sunday morning as I was preparing for church it was pouring rain as well, it felt like the sky was weeping. I made it to church and was able to keep my composure, I am normally a private person that tries not to show my feelings.... I didn't want to show up at church crying so I got my composure together. I made it good until the choir got up to sing, they chose to sing (Consider The Lillie's) I love the song but our choir also sang it at Perry's funeral.....I have a good view of the graveyard from the church window which is where Perry and Reagan (Tanner's twin Brother) are buried, between the song and the view of the graveyard I was overtaken with grief, out of the three songs that were sang that morning two of the three were sang at his funeral....although I new it wasn't meant this way I almost felt like it was a memory service for him which gave me some sort of comfort. I rarely ever drive by our house where he was killed at, but I was delivering food to a lady that was our neighbor so I drove the same road I used to drive almost everyday and right past our house, I slowed down and looked at our same mailbox still with our address on it, the long driveway which Perry died on and had an overwhelming amount of memories flood my mind, I then drove past the trailer where Mr. Jones lived (the man that ended Perry's life) I drove on and remembered that stretch of road was Perry's last miles ever driven, he would never even make it inside the house one last time, never turn off his truck or shut his door, someone else would remove his shoes for him....all he was trying to do was get home. My twin Sister and I was reliving some of those memories last night of that horrible night, I will never forget the coroner coming to my in-laws during the night that night and handing me Perry's wet billfold, cell phone and loose change, telling me how sorry he was...I still have that billfold with the same money still inside. Early the next morning I decided I wanted to go home, as we drove up the driveway there set his truck just like he always parked it, it looked like he was home.....I went inside and silence like that has never screamed at me so loud, he had to be there, his old shoes, jacket, blanket were there.....only silence.....the life I knew had ended in one moment.
Monday March 10th, 2014 we will once again go thru another Murder Trial for the man that killed Perry, I will admit I have asked God why, but every answer I get is to hold on victory is coming, so.........I am holding on!
I do thank God for the many blessings He has given to me, I really feel like he has been better to me than anyone "although I know He is no respect of person" but He has been so faithful to me. He blessed me and Tanner with a wonderful guy who loves us unconditionally and is there for us thru it all. I have adopted the song (Through It All) as my song if you could say that, that song really rings true in my life.
                                                                                                                                                                  I shared a link at the top of this blog, please click on it and read it.....I could never have written it any better.....I have been in situations many times that Perry and the tragedy has been brought up and it is like I am totally void from the tragedy or any involvement in Perry's life since I am remarried, that hurts in several different ways.....I wish everyone that I knew could read this story to help them better understand it from my point of view and even tho I am happily remarried does not mean that I have forgotten or never hurt from it........
Chera Guthrie